Part 1: Getting where you want to be


We are all perfect as we are, we are exactly where we are supposed to be. 
 
Breathe in a sigh of relief –
you are not behind,
you have not fallen off course,
you are not somehow broken. 
Right now, in this moment you are exactly where you are supposed to be.
It is not possible for it to be any different.
If there are things you do not like about where you are,
the fact that the desire to change it exists in you,
means it is possible for you to change it.
 Everything in your life has led you to this moment, seated where you are, reading this right now. 
Breathe that in and become present to all that you are: LOVE.
This is my best advice to anyone who is stuck at a place in their lives that is undesirable to them.
I too have been there.
I too, have made choices that caused me to experience such deep levels of pain that, to this day, I do not know how I survived.
I clearly remember the desperation, the fear, the hopelessness.
But I was determined to live the life of my dreams.
The life that I knew I was capable of having.
So, I started my journey on the long road HOME.
For the rest of this year, 2013…I will be posting blogs that share the insights and wisdom that made it possible for me to not only survive my trials, but to THRIVE, and succeed in all areas of my life.
The insights I offer don’t come from a college degree, or some fancy title behind my name.
My insights come from life lessons.
From real experiences that have shaped me into the woman I am today;
A woman who is capable of deep appreciation of everything in her life.
A woman who can recognize a good person when she meets them, because she has been abused by the bad ones.
A woman who does not hesitate to give her WHOLE heart to her family and loved ones, because she knows that to give  them any thing less than that will eventually destroy that love.
But most of all, I am a woman who knows what I want, and will fight any battle to achieve my goals.
When I hit the bottom of my downward spiral,
I literally hit the BOTTOM!
To go down any further than I already was would have been my undoing, and I knew it!
So…
what I did was to go down on my knees. I cried out to the only one who I felt could hear me. I was so alone, so ashamed, so crushed that no mere mortal could have helped me at all.
What I discovered on my knees, is the very thing that started to change the entire direction of my life:
I discovered that I was exactly where I was supposed to be, doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing.
I began to see that my “TRIALS” were not necessarily trials at all but rather valuable “LESSONS.”Lessons that changed me into a person that God could use for his purposes.
This simple, yet profound change in attitude allowed me to set aside the debilitating emotions of guilt, shame, and fear.
Experience is a tough teacher…she will always give you the test first, and the lesson afterward.
but, if you are willing to stop living life as a victim, and instead live it as a student…your life will blossom just as mine has, I PROMISE!
So on today’s blog, I want to focus on the area of forgiveness. Because until you can forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made, that have led you to where you are now, you cannot move past it.
I read a quote in a book called ” Letting go of the Person you used to be” by lama Suri Das
In it he was speaking about forgiveness, and he said that forgiveness is one of the most difficult concepts for humans to embrace and understand, and yet its concept is so simple. He said,               ” Forgiveness is simply letting go of the need to have had a better past.”
Let the truth of that statement penetrate your mind for a moment.
There is NOTHING, or NOBODY in your past that you have any power what-so-ever to change.
The past is gone…FOREVER.
It cannot be altered, changed or destroyed.
So WHY hold on to it like a life line.
It is NOT a lifeline, it is a moat thrown around your neck that is drowning you, literally killing you.
Sure, there are people and situations in your past that have hurt you. Things that changed you in ways that you can never repair.
SO WHAT?
By holding onto that pain and abuse, you are allowing them to continue to hurt you today, even as we speak.
You cannot hate them for your pain, when it is your choice to let them keep hurting you.
You need to fight back.
You need to reclaim your identity, the one you had before they stole it from you.
You need to LET THEM GO…
Stop trying, hoping, praying that they will change and be better.
They won’t…
SO MOVE ON!
I always ask my kids this question when they are upset with the actions of someone who hurt them, and they can’t understand why they don’t just CHANGE and be nice.
“How hard is it for YOU to change a bad habit in your life, even when you are dedicated and determined to change it?”
To which they usually respond, ” It is really hard, I have to concentrate on it all the time or else I will forget and slip back into my bad habit.”
That is when I impart this wisdom to them…
” If it is that hard to change YOURSELF….How impossible is it to change SOMEONE ELSE?”
I used to be a rescuer. I thought that if I loved people enough, they would change and be dedicated to me forever…
WRONG!
What I discovered is this,
Unless someone asks for your help, and is willing to help themselves, Don’t try to help them.
I had to accept the truth that I was arrogant.  It is pure arrogance that makes you believe that you have the RIGHT to butt into someone else’s life and attempt to alter it somehow, even if you are attempting to alter it in a positive way, it is still wrong.
I had told myself for so long that I was being Christlike, that I was compassionate, but the truth is, I was arrogant, and that attitude was the reason for my life being such a mess.
Not my ex-husband.
Not my job.
Not anything…it was ME.
I was my own worst enemy.
But feeling guilty was not going to change anything, neither was  resentment, or desiring revenge.
The only way to change my life was to FORGIVE.
I had to forgive myself, first and foremost.
I had to forgive my ex-husband. And that one was hard!
I had to forgive the past.
I had to let go of the need to have had a better past and set my sights on the present, and the future.
I began by writing down the things I wanted.
I wrote a letter to myself, a letter that I gave myself 10 yrs to achieve.
I wrote a letter to the man in the future that I was going to grow old with.
I wrote a letter to my adult children.
In all these letters, I held myself accountable to becoming the person that they would be proud of.
A person that they could admire, and emulate. A person that was worthy of their love.
In a word, I let go of the past and embraced the challenge of the future.

One thing we all have in common is that we all love
a challenge!
For some it could be a goal that puts you to the test,

an obstacle that says you can’t beat me,

a belief system that is begging for a breakthrough,

or even a mountain that just dares you to climb it.
Whatever it is, your attitude should be BRING IT ON!

The benefits of being challenged physically, intellectually,
emotionally, and vocationally are in a word:
ENORMOUS!
YOU have greatness inside you!

However it will never  burn as bright as it could if you do not WILLINGLY
put yourself in a position to test your limits.

To dig to the depths of your commitment.

To push yourself to go further and faster than you ever have before.

To allow yourself to FORGIVE and let go of the past and embrace the possibilities that await you in the future.

 Tomorrow I will talk about setting goals.
forgiveness-clouds
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