Can someone please show me how to turn up the HEAT?

Life is a conversation with yourself.

The most dangerous thing you can possibly do is ignore or silence your inner voice.

Most of our so-called villains are simply people who do not hear what they are saying to themselves.

We’ve learned to drown ourselves out by numbing our emotions, forming addictions, and seeking gurus with cookie cutter, magical solutions.

To live the life you deserve, you must begin to get re-acquainted with who you really are. After all, you cannot nourish or care for anything unless you first know what it is.

What do I mean by this?

Let me explain by using a comparison.

In theory if your home was too cold, there are two ways that you could address this particular problem.

The first option would be to shore up all the cracks. You would accomplish this by walking around the house making sure that the windows were tightly closed. Next you would need to check all the weather-stripping, and replace or repair as necessary. Then you would go up in the attic and check the insulation. Then you would carefully inspect all the walls, windows and doors for any cracks, and if you find any, you will need to take the necessary steps to fix that crack. In doing so you would successfully be keeping the cold air outside from coming inside, thereby keeping the heat in the house.

The second, more direct (and MUCH quicker) approach would be to simply turn up the heat.

BINGO…in a matter of minutes, you will have a cozy and warm home.

No inspections necessary. 😉

Now, lets expand this metaphor into our daily lives…

Into our relationships with people…

More specifically, the people we share our home and life with, (this needs to also include our relationship with ourselves.)

In the two examples above, one is obviously an easier and more direct way to achieve the same end result.

You can attempt to create warmth and closeness by FIXING everything that’s wrong.


if you were able to mend each and every issue

and repair every imperfection,

you would have one terrific relationship filled with warmth and love.


Like heating a home, a more direct (and more effective) approach would be to (metaphorically) TURN UP THE HEAT.

In a practical sense this means that you ignite every single warmth indicator that you can think of.

You become kinder.

More generous.

You give out more compliments.

You become less critical, stubborn, and judgemental.

Instead of being irritated, you choose to be more patient and forgiving.

You begin to use more eye contact.

You choose to be a better listener.

You choose to be kind over being right.

You put the needs of others over the needs of yourself.

In short… you do anything and everything associated with loving behavior.

Turning up the heat in this manner requires that you listen to your inner voice. Not your EGO voice.

Your ego will try to tell you that you are right, and that they hurt you and must, therefore be punished.

But if your goal is more heat…

you need to INCREASE the heat, not DECREASE it.

A few months ago, my teenage daughter began to exhibit “normal” teenage behavior.

For a few weeks, I took the first approach and… tried to FIX her.

But all that was accomplishing was to push her deeper into her depression and general bad attitude.

But when I began to “listen” to my inner voice, I knew that what she needed was for me, her mother, to be more patient and understanding…to turn up the heat.

So, I took her out to dinner.

I made eye contact with her.

I listened.

I was compassionate.

I complimented her on the things that I was proud of.

I expressed how deeply I loved her.

And guess what happened?

The changes in her attitude were remarkable. Her spirits began to rise and her sense of humor returned. She was comfortable opening up and sharing her feelings.

By “turning up the heat” instead of “fixing” her I was able to solve the problem quickly, and with very little effort.

I now have my sweet daughter back, and can hopefully enjoy her teenage years. 😉

By listening to my inner voice and showing her love, we have avoided the contention and frustration that is so often associated with teenagers.

This dynamic can be applied to any relationship in your life.

Most of us have no idea how powerful, capable, and connected we are.

Every person who does remember, changes the world.

We are bombarded daily with messages that tout the benefits of selfishness.

You cannot turn on the TV, pick up a magazine, or log onto the internet without seeing something that gives you permission to be self-centered.

In fact, it not only gives permission, but heralds it as, “The way to happiness.”

But is anyone ever REALLY happy when they are lonely?

What about when they are being deliberately selfish or cruel?

The truth is, we can only find happiness when we lose ourself in the service of others.

The word love is a transitive verb.

What that simply means is that the word love needs an object in order for its definition to be fulfilled.

We are all seeking love in our lives. Each and every one of us!

But turn on the TV and watch the news…the world is in PAIN.

The Earth is literally throbbing with the sadness and cruelty of the people living on it right now.

If what we are being told is correct, then why is there so little happiness?

Why are the divorce rates so high?

Why are so many children being neglected and abused?

My theory is simply that we have stopped listening to ourselves.

We have put the burden of our happiness on someone else.

And then punish them when they fail to perform the impossible task of MAKING someone else happy.

Today, I would like to issue you a challenge…

Whenever you notice yourself trying to FIX someone…STOP. Notice what you are doing, and how it is making both of you feel…


Simply start to TURN UP THE HEAT instead.

turn up the heat


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