“ We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.”
How are you?
I know, I know… It’s the same, casual, semi-meaningless question we hear almost every day.
And we rarely give it a second thought or pause to really think about the answer, right?
But today, I want to ask you the question again, with all of my heart and curiosity.
And then I want you to take a moment to consider the TRUE answer with all of your heart, more thoughtfully and deeply than you probably have in a very long time.
As you look inward for the answer, maybe you’ll realize that you’ve not been feeling good at all…
maybe just a little sad…
maybe even hopeless because of challenges you’re facing.
Have you ever been sitting on an airplane and heard the attendants announce that, in case of emergency, you should take care of yourself first, even before a child or another loved one?
There’s a very good reason for it.
Truth is, you can’t possibly help or tend to anyone else if you’re not functioning yourself.
Eight years ago, I was a mess.
Desperate to escape the demon of self-doubt, I swirled in a chaotic frenzy, relentlessly seeking approval and acceptance from others.
I was always in endless pursuit—much like an addict is to sugar or alcohol or work.
Only my “drug” of choice was validation from others.
Like any addict, I bottomed out.
In a one-year period, I lost everything that defined me;
My step son.
My whole world was turned inside out.
And my body, well it became the neon billboard exclaiming my failures to the world.
Eight years later, for the first time in my life, I have mastery over nearly every area of my life.
Financially I’m stable.
I’m doing what I love, painting, and getting paid for it.
I like my body.
I’m dating again and having fun.
I’m designing the life I want and I feel really good about where I am in life.
I don’t tell you this to brag.
Rather I tell you this to give you hope and to provide you living proof, that you too can design the life you want and feel happy on a daily basis.
I’m also here to tell you the biggest discovery I made during my journey from complete disaster to a happy life.
Are you ready?
My single biggest discovery is that it’s essential for you to have the tools and system in place that allow for the daily discipline of self-care.
When I say self-care, I’m not talking about things like showering and exercising (although those are essential for a healthy life.)
What I’m talking about is self-love and knowing and acknowledging your worth.
Eight years ago, I didn’t even believe I had any worth at all. I felt like an utter failure.
But when I was at my lowest point, That was when Christ showed me that, to Him, I had great worth.
I began to slowly develop an understanding of who, and what He is.
Scriptures like these began to slowly penetrate my heart, and I began to find healing and peace.
Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
Matthew 7:6 – Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.
I began to see SELF- CARE in a whole different light.
With a different understanding came different behaviors.
Self-care is not a selfish practice as so many of us women have come to believe. Because as women, we tend to put others before us.
Am I right?
We put our kids before us.
We put our husband or significant other before us.
We put our job before us.
We put our friends and extended family before us.
This is because as women, our identity is often influenced by our ability to nurture all those we love, even at the expense of our own needs.
And this causes us all sorts of problems.
While we mean only the best, we end up putting aspects of our life in danger and sometimes sacrifice them altogether.
We compromise our health.
We compromise our wealth and finances.
We compromise our relationships.
We compromise our work.
And we compromise ourselves.
The thing is… how we perceive ourselves has a vital impact on our relationships and plays an integral role in our overall wellness.
Every relationship I had in the past was abusive in some form or another.
This only added to the belief that I was worthless.
But, what I have since learned, is that we teach people how to treat us, by the way we treat ourselves, and by the things we allow others to do or say to us.
The most beautiful thing happened almost instantly when I learned to see my own worth, and began to actually like myself.
The abusive people in my life all left.
They could not handle a relationship with me now that I had healthy boundaries.
Wonderful, supportive friends showed up and helped me to grow even more.
They encouraged me to start my painting business, and to start writing.
For years, I had longed to do both, but never had the confidence to start.
Once again, my life was being turned inside out…
But this time, it was a wonderful, and exciting adventure, the changes weren’t devastating, like they had been in the past.
I wasn’t losing everything that defined me, I was actually discovering my own worth.
I no longer needed the approval of others to feel worthy.
I had discovered my worth in the sight of God.
What a blessing it was to finally understand that even when I didn’t think I was worth anything…
God saw my worth!
I asked you a question earlier that I wanted you to seriously contemplate.
I am going to ask it again…
How are you?
Hopefully, your answer is, “I am blessed because I am loved by an unchanging God.”
You owe it to yourself, and everyone you love to find your worth.
Start developing the tools and creating a system that will allow for the daily discipline of self-care.