“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”
I remember when I was younger, my self-esteem was rock solid.
I was ten feet tall and bullet proof.
But, I when I married my first husband just two short weeks after high school graduation and the abuse started,I began to doubt myself.
I became a very insecure person who had self esteem issues that became rampant.
They unconsciously controlled just about every social interaction I was in.
And I didn’t even know it.
For example, when I received a compliment, I always felt compelled to respond by giving a reason for the compliment.
Other: “Wow, the blue in your eyes really stand out today!”
Me: “Yeah that’s because of the shirt I’m wearing.”
Other: “I really like your hair today.”
Me: “I tried styling it differently using some gel and a trick I learned from the person who cut my hair.”
Other: “I really like the way you treated that homeless person with compassion.”
Me: “Everybody has tough times, and I’m glad to be able to help a little bit.”
Now all of those examples seem benign normal social interactions.
However, they’re MISSING something.
See, in each of them there is an unconscious lack of self-confidence.
It might be huge.
It might be small.
That depends on the person.
Do you ever find yourself behaving this same way?
In each of those interactions there is an explanation as to -why- we are the way we are.
In those examples, I was trying to *justify* a good quality about myself…
Because deep down I believed that being me simply wasn’t “enough.”
It wasn’t enough for me to just take it and say
Because I felt inadequate, I had to create a reason why the compliment could be “allowed.
It wasn’t allowed as it was, on its own, simply because another person was appreciating me.
Part of me felt unworthy enough to receive the appreciation.
I felt unconsciously “not good enough” to be complimented authentically.
I couldn’t take it.
And so rather than just saying “Thank you,” I had to rationalize (give “rational lies”) to cover over my perceived inadequacy.
I share this with you because so many of us don’t fully receive compliments from others.
We gloss them over.
We don’t take them in.
We don’t allow other peoples’ appreciation to personally *affect* us.
We have difficulty just being seen and acknowledged for the amazing Divine beings that we are.
It took me years to learn to say “Thank you” when receiving a compliment.
Now, however, I always do my best to receive the compliment and let it land with me.
No reason why.
Just simply receiving the gift that another person has given me.
I still find myself slipping back into old habits and explaining “WHY”…
but I am trying hard to catch myself when I do it, and just simply say, “Thanks”
In your own life, I challenge you…
For the next few days –whenever you receive a compliment– limit your reply to saying “Thank you” with a smile while making eye contact with that person.
I challenge you to “just take it” and see what you discover. 🙂
Now my next personal challenge will be learning to stand up for myself when I am being taken advantage of, and mistreated.
I would love to hear your suggestions, or tips that you have used to enable you to stand up to the “Bullies” in your life.
This is a really big issue in my life right now that I would love some input on.