Do you believe in True Love?
I’m talking about that deep down, life changing, earth shaking, always-and-forever kind of love—the stuff of poetry and legend.
I spent over 20 years in one bad relationship after another.
Constantly finding myself with Mr. Wrong.
I became very skeptical that I would ever find real love in this life time.
Many people are skeptical, and for good reason.
Today’s culture isn’t very fertile ground for romance.
With social media, text messaging and online dating, we’ve revolutionized communication but we’ve lost the art of relationship.
There are very few success stories. (Sometimes it seems like there are very few people having real, face-to-face conversations anymore!)
Our society idealizes the INDIVIDUAL, and has almost completely lost site of one of the most basic principals that hold a society together and make it strong…RELATIONSHIP to other people.
SO… is it even possible, in this INDIVIDUALIZED society of ours to find a lasting relationship with another person?
Is it possible to find TRUE LOVE?
I would like to believe that it is.
True love is real—deep, unconditional, and long lasting.
The reason it is so rare is because it is so misunderstood.
Most people’s idea of “true love” looks something like this: Mr. or Mrs. Right is waiting out there somewhere, “the One” they are destined to be with.
And that special someone is looking for them too.
And it’s only a matter of time before they meet each other—and of course, they’ll both live happily ever after.
Happily ever after does not exist.
And God didn’t hand pick one special person just for you.
In fact, the whole idea of finding fulfillment in someone else is an illusion.
The truth is, love can only be found within.
Most people who are looking for love “out there” are actually just running away from loneliness.
They constantly settle for less than what they want, and less than what they deserve, because their greatest fear is to be alone, grow old alone and die alone.
I know this, because this was the basis for my decisions for over 20 years of my life.
The fear of loneliness was preventing me from experiencing real intimacy.
I had to heal so that I could discover that…
True love could only be found beyond my fear.
After my divorce, I decided to take a COMPLETE break from dating for a while to allow myself time to gather my thoughts and heal from the abuse and trauma of my marriage.
To UNLOAD the burden that I was carrying around on my back.
Being alone with that much pain gave me some powerful insights into my own soul and personality.
It also allowed me to get really clear about what I wanted and needed in a relationship.
I started dating again about 5 years ago.
Each man I dated taught me new things about myself.
Some of the things were good, and I decided to keep those traits.
Others were not so good, and I learned to heal those parts of myself that were preventing me from allowing another person to get close to me in relationship.
One of the hardest things that I have had to face and heal was a fear I had that I would grow old alone, never experiencing a healthy, loving relationship.
The best description I have found for this Fear I had is “forever empty,”
Louis C. K. calls the unquenchable sadness deep within us; the ever present knowledge of our own mortality,the undeniable fact that in the end we will all face death all alone, The Forever Empty Syndrome.
The truth that I found is that real love requires real inner work.
The kind of gut wrenching, soul altering work that most people just aren’t interested in.
It requires that we first be happy in our solitude.
It requires that we come to know ourselves, accept ourselves and love ourselves.
We have to find our peace of mind.
Find our purpose, our passion, our joie de vivre.
(Joie de vivre is a French phrase often used in English to express a cheerful enjoyment of life; an exultation of spirit.)
It requires that we lay down the ego’s defenses and be naked and vulnerable.
That we give up our planning and fantasizing about the future and live in the Now.
Only then are we really ready to love.
When you fully grasp that tomorrow is not guaranteed—that this moment is truly all that we have—there is nothing to do but give everything you’ve got, expecting nothing in return.
In fact, you know in advance that if you allow another person to get close to you…your heart will be broken.
You will be lied to.
You will be taken for granted.
You will be hurt and disappointed.
Sooner or later, between here and your deathbed, you will have to say goodbye.
You know it, you accept it, and you love anyway.
Real love is divine.
It comes from a relationship with God.
It is a dance with emptiness which takes us beyond the human self,
beyond the ego’s petty games
to a place where it is actually possible to know a timeless love;
to taste the fullness of joy.
What we call “true love” is that rare and sacred union that happens when two people join in this dance together.
It is a friendship,
a love affair
and an act of worship.
Passion, lust, affection, caring, trust, respect and devotion all become part of an exquisite surrender.
Lovers merge with each other and with the vast, and wild universe.
Neither knows for sure if it will last a weekend or a lifetime. It doesn’t matter.
All that matters is this moment of oneness—holy and beautiful.
It contains eternity.
In conclusion, I would like to dedicate today’s POST to Jeff.
In him I have found a friendship, a love affair, and my act of worship.
Thank you for loving me so beautifully.