Eight years ago today,
A beautiful light went out in this world.
September 18, was the day my sweet son Victor Leon took his life.
Today was the day I had to accept that I was never going to be able to put my Humpty Dumpty back together again…
He was now safely nestled in the arms of my Savior where he was finally at peace.
In the first moments after his death I honestly believed that I would never be okay again.
But those moments have turned into days,
that turned into weeks,
And then months,
And now years…
I have never for one second stopped missing my sweet boy.
But the kids and I have found acceptance of Victors choice…
And from that acceptance we have once again found joy.
Every one of us expresses our grief in a different way.
But one thing is the same across the board for those of us who have lost a child.
The emptiness that we feel just cannot be satisfied by anything in the entire world except by our child.
Yes, I do understand that my son is not coming back, and maybe that’s why the empty feeling is magnified even more.
When I lost my home, I found us another.
If I was to lose my car, I could get another.
If I lost my wealth, I could work hard to rebuild my finances.
But, a child?
There is no replacement for my son, Victor.
And the understanding of that is sometimes more than I can bear to think about!
That is why I have chosen to focus on heaven
with the faith and hope that we will meet again in eternity,
and oh what a beautiful reunion that will be!!!
I miss you Victor, and long for the day when I can hold you in my arms again.