“IF ONLY” Are 2 very Dangerous Words.


You spend the whole day making sure everyone is happy, but who is taking care of YOU?

Before anyone can love and care for you, you must learn to love yourself.

This was the HARDEST lesson for me to learn in my life, but also the lesson that paid the highest dividends in my life.

How much money would you be willing to pay if there was a way that you could learn the single most powerful therapeutic technique to gain back your sense of peace and contentment, regardless of how stressful your life feels now?

I consider “IF ONLY” to be two very dangerous words.

They’re dangerous because they actually distract us from the real cause of our unhappiness.


Has us looking for answers outside ourselves, and forever trying to change how others behave in order to feel better about our own lives.

As a battered woman, I developed the mindset that “IF ONLY”…

I could be prettier,


better at cooking,

better with intimacy,

better at housekeeping,

etc, then my husband would finally be kind and we could be happy.

We believe that our relationships, work and health could be better, if only this person acted a certain way,

OR.. if only there weren’t so many obstacles in the way.

Our obsession with “IF ONLY” turns us away from the one thing that CAN change how we feel about our lives.

And that is looking within, to how we really feel about ourselves.

Because in order to feel at peace and fully content with our lives, we must first and foremost learn to love ourselves.

But here’s the tricky part:

Most of us don’t even realize that we don’t love ourselves.

We are constantly trying to juggle the demands of life in an vain attempt to make people love us, when what we really need to do is SHOW love to OURSELVES.



We think “if only” we could make a little more money, we could afford the things that would make us really happy… like remodeling our kitchen, buying a better car, or booking a vacation to Hawaii.

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If only we could get some cooperation around the house from our partner or kids, we could finally relax and do something nice for ourselves instead of wearing ourselves out keeping things tidy and functioning.

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If only we didn’t work such long hours or have such a long commute, we would have the energy to go to the gym and eat better, and take better care of our health.


But the truth is none of those “if only’s” will make us feel happy at all.

Even if we got everything we wanted, there would be something else that would eat away at our contentment…

BECAUSE:  the “if only’s” are only SYMPTOMS of the real problem.

So let’s attempt to get clear about the real problem, so that we can focus on a solution that will REALLY work.

Before we can do that we need to understand a few things.

(here is where the rubber hits the road.)

2 Signs That You Don’t Really Love Yourself

The real problem, and why so many of us feel chronically unhappy with our life, is related to how we really feel about ourselves.

Before I could ever hope to feel at peace and fully content with my life, I had to first and foremost learn to love myself.

(And for most of us, it’s hard to know whether or not we truly love and accept ourselves, or if we just think we do.)

Since I know personally how hard it can be to KNOW if you are loving yourself or not, I have created a list of sorts that you can use to help you figure out where your at personally on the self love scale.

So, what are the signs that you actually don’t love yourself?]


I believe that there are many signs that point to a person not loving themselves…

But I have found these two to be particularly insidious, because they lie beneath that chronic sense of discontent that can last decades – a lifetime, even.


See if you can relate:

SIGN #1: You run yourself ragged trying to be everything to everyone.

What do you do when:

Your boss sends you a last minute request?

Do you always do them right away, even when it means missing dinner dates, time with your kids, or workouts with friends at the gym?

Have you ever felt obligated to offer to help your friend with her yard work and garden even though that will mean that your own yard and garden don’t get any care?

How often do you say “YES” even when you don’t have the time, energy or desire, because you don’t want to disappoint the people that count on you?

Do you think your problem is that you’re not organized enough?

How well are you able to set good enough boundaries?

Do you often feel that there’s just not enough time in the day to do everything you want to do?

Actually the problem isn’t any of those things at all.

The problem is that you don’t love yourself, so you’re always trying to prove something to someone

that you’re a good partner,

a good parent

or a good employee.

Unless you learn to love yourself, you’ll forever run yourself ragged and never feel accomplished.



SIGN #2: You never feel like you’re “enough.”

No matter what you do for others, you never feel like you’re enough.

Do you worry that people don’t truly love or respect you?

How often have you thought that nothing you do is ever enough to make others (or yourself) satisfied for long?

Do you struggle with any type of criticism?

At work do you worry that your not appreciated or respected for your contribution?

At home how often do you find yourself second-guessing how you treated your kids?

It could show up as never being happy with how you look or feel and therefore giving up on the habits that can really make a difference in your health.

You may think all these problems are the results of choosing the wrong partner,

or having an inconsiderate boss

or out-of-control kids.

But once again these are all just symptoms of the real problem: Lack of self-love.


This one issue can lead to strained or broken relationships, career setbacks and a whole host of health issues.

Not loving yourself is a symptom of so many personal problems, but there is one solution that can turn everything around.

Learning To Love Yourself Is A Simple Process With A Lifetime Of Rewards

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Would you be willing to


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you could live a life where you don’t have to run yourself ragged anymore.

You don’t have to feel inadequate in any area of life,

or wonder if you’ll ever be loved the way you deserve?

The good news is this:

Loving yourself is free. You just have to be willing to do it.



6 thoughts on ““IF ONLY” Are 2 very Dangerous Words.

  1. Melanie, this is just wonderful! BTW, still praying for you in your work situation. Hope that’s been going better. School year’s almost over!!! I think of you every week as I go through my prayer requests, lifting you up to the Lord. ❤

    1. Oh Susan, my heart is filled with gratitude for your continued prayers.
      They must be working because I did experience a miracle at work.
      During my routine inspection by State Risk Management, the inspector, who is usually extremely critical, asked my Principal if he knew what a valuable employee I was, and if he showed me appreciation. Somehow, I found the courage to say “NO” in front of that inspector.
      The inspector then chastised him and informed him that of the over 1,000 custodians that he inspects, he would place me in the top 5 employees in the state of Utah.
      That has given me the courage I needed to stand up and insist that the hostility at work stop.
      So again, thank you for your prayers. This problem us slowly working itself out through divine interventions.
      God Bless

      1. Things like this are the reason my testimony of the power of faith and prayer are so strong. If we would all stop each day and meditate on the many many ways God had his hand on your shoulder during the day, we would all realize just how helpless we are without Him.
        I appreciate prayer warriors that pray on my behalf, because you are the reason I survive and thrive.
        Thanks again!

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