There is a virus that has been reported recently…
I’ve definitely suffered from it in my life.
Over the past nine years it has healed a lot, but it still flares up from time to time.
The virus is known as the “PEOPLE PLEASING VIRUS”
What is wrong with pleasing people you ask?
The answer to your question depends on where that pleasing is coming from.
If it’s a genuine
obviously nothing at all!
The people-pleasing ‘virus’ I’m referring to is one that comes from a less true or healthy place –
Such as a pleasing that may stem from
Or a lack of self-worth,
a feeling that you must make sacrifices
Or you are seeking approval,
Or just giving in order to get something in return,
Or your motivation might simply be the avoidance of possible judgment
or needing to be liked
Or you are afraid of rocking the boat, etc.
The people-pleasing virus actually hinders your capacity to give and serve, because it compromises your integrity and risks you placing being approved over being true.
The greatest gift you ever have to give is YOU.
You can’t really offer yourself in a healthy manner if you are diluting yourself down by constantly trying to please other people,
Or trying to change who you are so that you can be that person you think others want you to be.
I am talking about your actions both overtly in what you say or do and your covert actions in what you don’t say or do.
When you behave this way you are no longer respecting and honoring yourself.
If you are not honoring yourself,
you will not be doing so to any other either.
The people-pleasing virus blocks you from showing up and expressing your true self.
It blocks you from being all that you are and all you came to be.
It will make living a life of truth extremely difficult.
You cannot hope to remain aligned to your values, principles and preferences as long as this virus remains untreated in your system.
If you are resisting treating this virus out of some misguided sense that you are helping people by agreeing with them un-authentically, or tolerating or turning a blind eye to something you feel is inappropriate, etc.
Let me set you straight…
Your not helping anyone that way!
The first step in curing this virus is a simple understanding that disagreeing and saying,”NO” CAN be very much a part of loving and respecting both yourself and another.
What’s more, we all desire authentic relationships where we are loved unconditionally, but the only way you’re going to find people that are a perfect fit for you is to be honest and genuine in your dealings with EVERYONE!
Seek not to be accepted, seek to be you,
and accept yourself for who you are.
Another way to cure this virus is by being conscious of your thoughts.
You get to reflect,
and to seek out hidden intentions.
So what is it that feeds and spreads this people-pleasing virus?
Fear for one.
Fear of judgment,
risking confrontation or an argument,
being seen as different or not fitting in,
being disliked, etc.
Another thing that will feed and spread this virus is the feeling that you are unworthy and not good enough.
This symptom will often cause you to begin placing more attention on other people’s happiness and value than you do on your own.
Another belief that will feed this virus is a ‘not enough’ belief in some way.
This symptom will often compel you to seek to attain that ‘enoughness’ through the validation of others, which is, of course, a futile quest.
Self-esteem comes from within: no amount of approval or validation ‘out there’ will ever give it to you.
People-pleasing can also stem from feelings of guilt and shame, from sacrifice, from family patterns or other types of learned behavior.
For some of you people-pleasing can be rooted in a lack of boundaries (certainly has been with me) .
If you are highly sensitive or overly empathetic, you may experience other’s discomfort, pain, disappointment, anger, etc. to such an extent that you attempt to avoid that experience through appeasing behavior.
Don’t be hard on yourself or others if you spot the people-pleasing virus.
It’s love that’s needed,
Being loved and accepted, are very natural core human needs and desires.
If those needs aren’t met within, or maybe weren’t met as a child, there can be strong urges for quelling them externally.
It’s not surprising people-pleasing is a bit of a human epidemic.
It is one epidemic that it’s easy to have compassion and understanding for.
Please understand that breaking free from the People-Pleasing Virus isn’t about NOT having consideration or empathy for other people’s feelings.
It is simply taking the feelings of others into consideration, and then responding to them in a way that also honors your feelings too.
under the banner of ‘authenticity’ is just making an excuse for the negative ego.
The best people-pleasing virus healer is self-love.
Self-love sets you free and allows you to express and be more of all that you are in truth and integrity.
That self–love may be an ongoing, ever deepening journey