Twenty years ago today I became a mother for the first time.
This is my baby Tyler, with my brother Tyler.
(He was named after his uncle)
Today my oldest child is turning twenty.
I have to admit that it does make me feel a little bit old myself.
It is a very surreal feeling because internally I still feel like a twenty-something myself…
When I look in the mirror in the morning and see another NEW wrinkle,
or another gray hair,
I know that it is my BODY reminding me that I am actually over forty now.
But the main thoughts that I have running through my head right now are thoughts about the day that I gave birth to Tyler.
I wondered to myself as I was driving to work today…
How would I describe motherhood to a woman about ready to deliver her first baby?
Well I would have to say that it is a lot like taking a road trip completely alone.
And on this trip you are going to drive clear across America at speeds of over 100 miles per hour on the freeway…while trying to read the map at the same time.
You have no idea how to get where you’re supposed to go.
And you will be required to get there fast.
That is exactly how intense and exciting motherhood has been for me.
Tyler was born 20 years ago at 8:47 a.m.
That is the official moment documented on his birth certificate for when I first became a parent.
But as I look back, I don’t believe it’s when I became a real mother.
I became a REAL mother later.
I had been in labor with Tyler for 18 hrs.
I was exhausted,
and hated everyone in the world right then.
I had never felt pain like I did each and every time my body had a contraction.
I was NOT enjoying this child birth experience at all!
I will always maintain that childbirth is a little bit like an exorcism.
But once the doctor finally gave me the epidural, I was a happy camper!
I relaxed and was finally able to willingly participate in the process of bringing my baby into this world.
I will NEVER forget the overwhelming feelings of shock and awe that I felt when they first laid my son on my tummy.
I remember crying in that moment as I became Tyler’s mom.
He was screaming the way only a new born baby can scream.
The sound went straight into my soul.
I wanted so desperately to comfort him, but knew that there was nothing I could do for him except hold his little tiny hand.
So, I reached down to pick up his hand, and the moment my hand touched his, he immediately stopped crying and we made eye contact.
It was the most precious moment in my life!
My heart immediately swelled up with so much emotion and love. I literally could not contain the emotions I was feeling, they were INTENSE to say the least!
I turned to my mom who was standing right there next to me during this precious moment in time..
And I said,
” Look mom, he knows I am his mommy”
I was sobbing,
my mom was sobbing,
my husband had tears in his eyes,
Because I think that everyone there in that moment knew that they were witnesses to me becoming Tyler’s mother.
Like I said I officially gave birth at 8:47, but I became a mother the moment my hand touched his!
What is a mother exactly?
Mothering really has nothing to do with birthing plans, c-sections, or adoptions.
These are merely a few of the vehicles through which one may become a mother.
Mothering is when you are convinced that you can accomplish the unlikely and the impossible because of the burning love you feel in your heart for a child.
A mother is a person who will forgo any and all earthly pleasures just to ensure that her child is SAFE, LOVED, and PROTECTED.
A mother is her child’s strongest defender, she can be more assertive and physically strong then she ever knew was possible when she is defending her child.
A mother is a child’s first love.
A mother is a constant connection for her child to the true love of God. Because God is the only one who could possibly love her child more than she does.
It really is a wondrous, holy, and all encompassing love that is the miracle that creates a mother.
And that love changes your life forever.
Tyler has taught me more about life,
Than any other person in this world ever has.
I tell people that he is my soul-mate.
He is the person in my life that has shown me who I really am.
What I am really capable of.
And how special I actually am, in his eyes and in the eyes of the Lord.
Life with Tyler has not always been easy, in fact there were YEARS when life with him was downright painful!
If any of you have ever had a child who has been abused, you will be able to relate to the gut wrenching job it is to try and restore some balance and normalcy to a child who has been hurt.
But through it all, He has surpassed the expectations of all the professionals I have enlisted to help us along the way.
Today, and every day I thank God for the miracle he has been in my life.
I love you my sweet boy!