Getting Over Your Past so you can enjoy TODAY!

Image result for quotes about the past

Read that quote one more time…

AND 

Then allow the meaning to really sink in DEEP.

Now ask yourself this question:

Is there something in your past causing you pain and preventing you from fully experiencing joy in the present?

If you’re single, maybe you’re still hung up on an old flame.

You have some regrets and wish you’d handled things differently.

 

If you’re in a relationship, perhaps there is an upset you can’t seem to move on from. It could be anything from a fight over dinner to a betrayal of trust.

Or..

It might be something big like it was for me, the suicide of my child.

 

Whatever scenario you happen to be in, it’s crippling you and hindering your ability to either connect with yourself and your life.

In the first few years after Victor’s suicide, people would often tell me to just “move on,”

BUT…I just couldn’t simply move on. It hurt to much for me to just “MOVE ON”

So what do you do?

Well, I have a radical answer for you.

My answer comes directly from experience!

This answer has not only helped me overcome two bad marriages where I experienced abuse of myself and my children, but also the guilt and regret that I felt when Victor died.

So if you are serious about finally allowing the past to stop holding you hostage,

Image result for held hostage

READ ON and discover how I have managed to find joy and happiness in EVERY area of my life.

Image result for quotes about the past

Lesson #1:

Give Up Getting Over The Past

Here’s the truth – and if you really take it in, it will come as a relief:

You NEVER get over the past.

Image result for sigh of relief

Think of getting over something…

You can get over a challenge,

or over a barrier of some sort,

Image result for but...

 the past has already happened.

It’s outside of your control.

You can’t go back and fix what happened.

There’s absolutely no use stewing over it.

Life is filled with a million moments – some will look back on with fondness, and some wish it had never happened.

This is normal.

What you CAN control is… How you will ALLOW the past to affect you today.

And there’s only one way that I have found that really works:

You Have To Be Willing To Open Up To Acceptance And Love

You get over the past when you open your heart to it!

The moment you accept the PAST as IT IS,

Will be the EXACT moment you start to release it’s hold on your life.

And before you know it you will find yourself saying things like:

“Okay, that happened. And this is happening now.”

You will find yourself also making DIFFERENT choices than you have been making.

Your choices will no longer be made from a need to deny or hide from your past, but rather from a place of finding JOY in TODAY!

There are some verbs that are especially useful in doing this:

Including and welcoming the past.

Until you’ve included the past and embraced it, you can’t put your focus on what you want.

Image result for letting go of the past memes

The moment you let go of the past is the moment you love it as it is.

Because it’s already happened and there’s nothing you can do about it in the present.

Image result for letting go of the past memes

 

So give your past a drop of love and love yourself for however you feel about it.

Feel remorseful about your past actions?
Love yourself for it.
Feel pathetic that you wasted so much time on a situation you can’t do anything about?
Love yourself for that, too.

Image result for loving yourself memes

When you do this, you become present, so you can create the relationships you want now – both with yourself and with others.

Image result for loving yourself memmes

The relationship you have with yourself is your primary relationship.

You cannot fully give or receive love if you do not love yourself first.

Image result for loving yourself memmes

Lesson #2:

Setting New, Positive Intentions

Image result for positive intentions

When you accept the past as it is, then the next important step is:

“Okay, NOW what do I want?”

When you put attention and actions into what you want to create now – despite what your past is – you can literally create the relationship with the future that you really want.

Suddenly, the past is no longer a burden for you, but a springboard.

Image result for springboard

What has held you down for so long can now be channeled into something completely new.

Because you now know that your past can be used as a valuable tool where you have learned the lessons it had to teach, so you make choices from a much wiser and more logical place.

You will no longer continue making those bad choices but will now find yourself making much wiser and more empowering decisions.

Your future is created one new choice at a time!

Five years ago, I was a single mother struggling to put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads. Today I am happily married in a very financially secure life where I enjoy abundance in every single area of my life.

My health is good.

My kids are wonderful.

My relationship is enviable.

And my home is beautiful.

 

If I hadn’t discovered and  followed these principles, I would still be stuck lamenting over the problems I had experienced in my past – such as criticism and blame.

I knew that dwelling on what happened would guarantee that I would stay there.

Image result for struck in a rut

Instead, I asked myself a powerful question that has driven my choices since that day:

“How can I create a relationship with myself that runs entirely on positive energy?”

 

The answer:

It’s not any one thing, but rather various practices and habits that allow us to create the relationship with our self we want – one day at a time.

Image result for good relationship with myself

 

THANKFUL THURSDAY

 

I love this quote.

It is a thought that we should all adopt into our everyday thinking.

Today, I want to share a few pictures of my family hauling hay on our farm.

My heart swells with love when we are all together working the land. I love this time together because we just get to be together as a family working together toward a common goal.

We have had so many fun times on the farm already since we met Jeff.

So today, I am thankful for him, his family, and the time we share on his farm together.

Worst Day OR…Best Day.

As a child I loved to listen to the stories that my grandparents would tell.

But I have to admit that the stories that I seem to always gravitate toward are the stories that inspire legends or tales that have a nugget of wisdom attached.

So today, I am going to write about how we actually get to CHOOSE what kind of DAY,

WEEK,

and LIFE

We are going to have by the attitude we have and the choices we make.

To help me illustrate my point I am going to share one of my favorite stories. It was one that I learned in the 6th grade.

It is a Chinese tale from Huai Nanzi about an old man who lost a horse.

This fable seems very relevant in today’s world:

One night the horse broke out of its pen and ran away. The man’s son cried, “Father, our prized horse has run away! How could this happen? This must be the worst day of our lives!”

The father smiled and calmly replied, “Is that so? Are you so certain?”

Shortly after the horse came back and along with the single horse came many more and now the poor farmer had a herd of horses. The son happily exclaimed, “Father, our horse has brought us more horses than I ever thought we could have! This is the greatest day of our lives!”

The wise father smiled and said calmly, “Is that so? Are you so certain?”

The next morning the son got up early to try and ride one of the new horses. He was bucked off and broke his leg. The farmer’s son said, “Father, I have broken my leg and now I cannot work in the fields. We may lose our crops. This is the worst day of my life.”

The father smiled and calmly replied, “Is that so? Are you so certain?”

Then war broke out in the state and the government sent soldiers to all the villages to recruit the young men for their front lines. They came to the farmer’s home for his son. They took the horses from him but upon seeing the son’s broken leg they did not take him. After the soldiers had left the village with all the other young men the farmer’s wife said, “This is the happiest day of our lives.”

The father smiled and calmly replied, “Is that so? Are you so certain?”

The road of life has all kinds of twists and turns that are unforeseen.

What may look like the worst of times MAY JUST provide the opportunity for something else.

At the same time those times when things look like they are all going smoothly can get derailed.

No one is immune to the highs and lows of life.

But if there is ONE THING I know for sure it is this:

Those who do best are the ones who know how to handle both in moderation and do not over react when in deep valleys or high peaks.

By learning to adapt, and develop a resilient personality, you become free from the bonds that almost always lead you to an emotional roller coaster ride.

The middle road does not mean to turn our emotions off.

It simply means that you have the ability to recognize the power you have in yourself to separate from the circumstances you are facing.

HERE IS THE BEAUTY OF IT ALL…

Once this occurs, outside circumstances, good or bad, are not as climatic and dismal.

They are just circumstances. 

You become empowered.

You become wise.

Remember, what seems like misfortune may turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

SO today, Decide that:

 

Letter to my Daughter.

Tonight I will attend the Jr High graduation of my second child.

For me, this marks the ending of the time in her life when I can try and convince myself that she is still a child.

But before I send her off into High School, there are a few things I want her to know.

So today’s post will be a letter to my beautiful child, Arminda.

IMG_0443

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Dearest Child,

As you embark on the next phase of your life, I want to tell you first what a joy and honor it has been being your mother. My world is a softer, more intense world because of you. Thank you for being one of my greatest teachers.

I want so much to keep you small so I can protect you from all the pain in the world. But since I know that is not possible, I will instead share a few of the things with you that I want you to know and carry with you from now on.

First thing I want you to know is that YOU are the connection between possibility and expression in your own life.

YOU are the miracle, you are the vessel that carries your thoughts and intentions and transforms them into things and experiences.

By your living of it you make life happen.

With your love you make life beautiful.

In each and every single urge you experience there lies great power.  For you can act and achieve and fulfill, and give meaning to every moment.

Give generously of yourself, never holding back, never being afraid that you’re not good enough.

Within you is goodness itself, along with the desire to express and to spread that goodness in your own special way.

Listen to the whisper of your spirit.

Feel the beauty that is beautiful just because it is. Never stop looking at the moon and weeping at it’s beauty.

Let go of the illusions that fill you with fear and doubt. 

These fears will destroy you from the inside out and eliminate any possibility for you to ever be brave enough to allow yourself to be loved.

Live your life looking forward, not backward.

The Past is gone and cannot ever be changed. What you can change however, is the way you FEEL about your past.

Let go of the need to need.

Feel the sweet freedom of simply allowing each unique and precious moment to be.

When you are with your friends laughing, FEEL the laughter and the sensations it causes in your body.

When you are in nature, cry because the beauty is too much for your heart to contain.

Never prevent yourself from feeling your feelings.

Because when you feel your feelings you will have discovered the magic key that opens the door to a beautiful life.

Let life come, without striving to force it.

Let life come, and it will unfold with great abundance.

The feeling of security that you so desperately seek is already yours.

You simply need to learn how to heal your own wounds and that security you desire will magically appear in your life.

But you and you alone hold the power to heal your heart.

(I can support you along that journey, and so can your friends, but ultimately, you must learn to trust yourself and know that you can and will protect your own heart.)

Once you discover security, love, and friendship, allow those feelings to live and breathe and grow and flow throughout your life.

The life you wish to experience is yours when you let go and let it be.

Listen to those little inspirations that quietly sing to you.

There is a reason why you hear them and feel their truth.

Act in harmony with what you know is right and what you know is best.

Instead of struggling against what is, ride joyously and successfully along with life’s continuously unfolding possibilities.

Let life come.

And live the beauty as each new moment is born.

Today, life begins anew.

Today, you are blessed with fresh, new opportunity.

You can build on the best of what has been.

You can look clearly and objectively at the limitations that have held you back, and find new ways to transcend them.

Today, you can make amazing progress.

Today, you can reach higher than you’ve ever reached before.

All your mistakes are behind you, and you’ve learned much from each one.

All your experience is still with you, and you can use it in innovative new ways.

This day has begun, and with it comes your chance to make a difference.

In these moments you can bring your dreams to life.

From deep within your purpose, look out and see all the great possibilities.

This is a day that’s now here for you to live more richly than ever.

Welcome to this life that’s now yours to explore and experience and fulfill in ways that are truly miraculous.

I pray that you will always know how deeply you are loved. That you will know what a treasure you are to everyone who has had the opportunity to know you.

Keep your head up my beautiful child and know that the world is your oyster.

 

Love Always,

Mom

The END RESULT looks EFFORTLESS…but it WASN’T

God created us to be happy and joyous.

 

It is all too easy to be bogged down by negative experiences or life challenges.

Like I said yesterday…

Every day, we can choose our responses to our circumstances.

On my own unique journey through  life, I’ve learned to choose happy, joyful and positive thoughts during challenging times
or
in situations that are trying to bring me down.
I have learned to embrace the mantra
“that it was only a mistake if I didn’t learn anything from it.
If I learned something from it, it was a LESSON.”

But today I want to talk about another conscious choice that I have made in life that I believe is just as powerful as choosing happiness is if your desire is to create a joyous life.

And that other choice is:

Good old-fashioned 

They really can bring you far in life.

I read a great quote the other day on the internet,

“Some people are lucky– but the harder I work the luckier I get!”

 

That quote really struck a chord within me because quite often people come up to me and tell me how lucky I am to be so talented.

I remind them that it doesn’t come from luck—

it comes from years and years of hard work and practice.

What they’re seeing is an end result that looks effortless and easy, but it came from more than 20 years of ups and downs– and endless attempts at learning to paint and write.

 Good work ethics bring great things:

knowledge,

satisfaction,

confidence,

and

good Karma!

My grandfather taught my father to always look ahead.

He used to say, “Have the next tool ready for me when I need it–that way we can finish this project sooner.”

I apply that approach in all areas of my life, whether I am working at the school,

painting a mural,

or helping a friend.

I envision how I must prepare for the next task at hand– and I gather the tools and knowledge that I need before moving ahead.

I find that when I work hard, there is always a positive return, even when the outcome is a negative experience to learn from.

 

By gathering the tools I need and applying a tough work ethic, I have been able to achieve my goals and dreams.

3badd-create2byour2bluck

 

 

 

 

But a good work ethic applies to much more than just our jobs.

For example:

When I was a young mother, I ate a lot of junk food and survived on soda.

I never knew how to eat properly and in my early twenties, I put on a lot of weight.

By the end of my thirties, I was not healthy at all. I had a check up where I was told that I needed to begin taking over 10 pills a day just to keep myself going.

I REFUSED to take the easy way out by swallowing a bunch of pills every day, and instead fought back.

I told the doctor that I was unhealthy because I had spent over ten years treating my body like it was a vending machine.

I vowed to learn how to eat healthier, lose weight, and begin a daily exercise routine.

Now at the age of 44, I weigh less than I did when I was 24.

My doctor no longer thinks I need medication, I am a very healthy woman.

BUT…

In order to regain my health, I needed a strong work ethic to carry me through the task.

 

At the end of each day, I take a few minutes to look at  myself in the mirror and ask myself this question:

” Did you do all that you could today?”

Then I ask myself a second question:

“Would God be pleased with the work you accomplished in His name today?”

I have found that the more I serve and help others, the more enriched my own life becomes.

I try to live my life by this personal quote of mine:
“If you do good, good will come upon you.”

I hope that you all have a wonderful weekend.

Do something fun with your family. Make some memories together.

 

 

 

Can Failure REALLY be a GOOD thing?

 

I believe everything we need to succeed is inside us as children,

it often gets slowly pushed out of us as we grow older.

By the time we’re teenagers we have either forgotten these lessons
or
been forced to bury them.

 

If you are like me,

DEEP inside you don’t feel any different than you did at age ten or twelve,

EXCEPT…

That you likely don’t play baseball anymore,

AND you probably haven’t done a somersault in years.

(I am not suggesting you start.)

What I am saying is that you get back a few of those great qualities you had as a kid that kept your mind open to possibility and made life fun, interesting, and full of hope.

Here’s a few ideas on how you can do just that:

 

#1: Learn to enjoy failure.

If you really stop and think about it long and hard…

Everything you did as a kid required  TRYING & FAILING.

Climbing a tree,

Riding a bike,

or tying your shoes

all forced you to fumble and fail.

But you did not care.

Mistakes were just part of the process.

You had no embarrassment or shame –

only a desire to go faster to learn and master all of the exciting things that were ahead of you.

One of the most powerful ways you can immediately Rid yourself from fear of failure is to start learning RIGHT NOW how you can let go of what other people think about you.

 

 

The obsession with perfection, fearing mistakes and failure ruins opportunities and destroys your potential.

Oh and another thing, failures teach you valuable lessons just like they did when you were young.

Ever burn your hand on a hot stove?

See, you never did that again, did you?

 

#2: Start asking.

Have you ever spent much time around a child?

If so, you know that they NEVER stop asking questions.

When you were young you were the very same way.

You asked questions all the time because you were curious.

As adults we have let go of that great skill.

We  start to just assume we can predict what people are thinking.

We THINK we already KNOW what they will do.

 

Exactly how they will answer our question.

We assume they won’t buy,

they won’t help,

or that they are not interested.

Now that may be true, but how do you know for sure?

Rejection is all around.
But avoiding rejection from others means you reject yourself first!

Give other people the opportunity to say no and don’t make assumptions.

 

#3: Don’t take no for an answer.

giphy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, I am not suggesting you become a spoiled brat.

I am NOT advocating that you throw yourself down on the ground and pound your fists and feet until you get your own way…

I am just trying to jog your memory a little bit so I can help you remember the tenacity you had as a child.

 Back then…One ‘no’ from someone was simply an invitation to open the conversation.

It was the starting place to getting to where we wanted to go.

 

We got creative and bargained,

We learned how to persuade and convince –

(even if it was just for a nickel to buy a gumball.)

It was a great skill!

So don’t take that ‘no’ so easily.

Remember that NO is quite often the beginning of a relationship, and often ends in a YES if we are patient and positively persistent.

I hope that by now you are starting to remember all the hope and possibility you had as a kid and that it can be found once again.

YOU need to tap back into these traits to do it.

They are still there just waiting for you to remember them.

Cultivating Hope

As I was watching the news this morning,

I heard a story of a stand off that led to the death of a canine officer.

4d5de0e1-d6de-4251-8bec-27a4e132e4fe-updofficerwithdog

 

The robbery of a bank.

The battles over which bathroom to use

Boycott-Target-AFA

AND…

And the immature rantings of the presidential candidates.

I was DISGUSTED!

I felt overwhelmed with worry about the future of our nation.

Have you ever felt the same way.

INSTEAD of focusing our attention on all of this negativity, and allowing ourselves to become discouraged by all the discord we see in the world,

We changed our focus to the one change that changes everything:

CHANGING HOW WE LEAD.

We each hold in our very own hands the key to move beyond Hope and INTO transformational change by looking at life differently and making different choices.

We frequently use the
terms LEADERSHIP and MANAGEMENT 
interchangeably
as if they mean the same thing.

They don’t.

We lead people.

We manage things,

 

Leading is about our humanness,

Our relationships

And our interactions with each other.

Leaders are those who choose to make the shift from success – (acquiring and accumulating material things)

To significance,

And in doing so they naturally make a positive difference in everyone’s life.

 

Some people believe they have earned the right to be leaders.

Some are confident our experience or our education means we deserve to be leaders.

Some of us think we have inherited leadership from our ancestors.

Some people see themselves as having the personality or the ambition it takes to be a leader.

Some of us understand our leadership as coming from planning, or communication, or vision.

Some people want to lead by tapping into primal emotions, or by making a reasonable, logical case.

The leaders who inspire me,

whose examples I REMEMBER,

Cultivated in my heart a .

 

The leaders I am eager to follow are not merely angry at injustices,
or
experienced and qualified.
The leaders I want to follow appreciate where we want to go
and
how we can get there together.

 

The leaders who inspire me have manged to somehow persuade me there is reason to .

 

The leaders in my life who have made the biggest impact are those leaders who were convinced I had the potential to make a contribution, and they reminded me of that belief often.

They knew my dreams and aspirations, even when I wasn’t very clear about them myself.

They cared about what I was doing and how it would eventually make a real difference in significant ways.

The leaders who inspire me show me,

again and again,

where my hope meets the world’s needs.

The leaders I remember with the most fondness however, are my parents.

me and the folks

 

 

 

At a very young age they began to plant seeds in me that they KNEW I had the perfect soil for those seeds to grow in.
They were not worried that it may take a long time for those seeds to grow and produce, they planted and cultivated them anyway.
Like persistent farmers, my parents knew that the ability to cultivate hope would produce fruit for years to come in my life.

 

A few of the seeds that they planted in my heart were:

#1: Leading is about possibility and potential.

#2: Leadership is about creativity and innovation.

#3: A good leader knows that their role is about maintaining the well-being and fulfillment and generating common good in the people around them.

#4: A leader knows how to focuses on a purpose and meaning, by using others connection and contributions.

#5: A leader knows how to collaborate and cooperate to solve common problems.

#6: Leading is about diminishing our three universal fears of not having support, not being in control and not feeling adequate, so that everyone thrives and realizes their potential.

#7: A good leader understands that leading with love means that we respond with care, understanding and respect.

It is living your life with the belief that love makes a leader a leader.

Leading with love is how I choose to live my life.

Leading with love is a state of being.

It is a philosophy.

A unique approach to life that permeates all that we do.

Leading with love is an art that we should all practicing and attempt to master.

So, if you are in a leadership role, I ask you to consider just exactly what it is that you are standing for.

Be constantly aware of how you appear when you stand for your cause and how you show up.

If you are a “follower”, I ask you to consider if the leaders you follow are there to support the common good and help each and every one of us to be the best we can be and have the life we want.

In this way, if you make this choice, you too will be leading with love.

We can change the world by changing our personal beliefs about this one thing:

What makes a leader a leader?

EVERY SINGLE CHOICE –

who you work with,

how you vote,

what you buy

makes a difference.

Remember this criterion: Love makes a leader a leader.

A great leader will naturally care for and understand the people they serve.

They will show a genuine respect for everyone and everything in life.

So, let’s join hands during this tumultuous time and plant seeds that will begin to cultivate HOPE.

 

PURGING OUR INNER JUNK

This morning I shared a few tips to get you motivated to begin your Spring Cleaning.

I keep thinking I should have added some good information on PURGING our INNER Junk as well.

So here is PART 2 of the Spring Clean Motivation.

 

I have noticed that some people (unfortunately, myself included at times.) seem to believe that the proof that you have a healthy spiritual life is your ease and ability to acquire things.

We seem to have a tendency to pray to receive specific objects, as if God were like a celestial Amazon or Netflix.

We would love to have a new car or move into a different house, and we pray to obtain it.

We begin to see spiritual life as like Santa Claus, giving us good gifts.

Have you ever found yourself attempting to bargain with God to give you more and in return you promise to release the old things that no longer serve your current purposes?

We rationalize that if we had more, we would be committed to using it wisely.

We promise that we will work hard and be more careful so that we will use our new abundance to strengthen spiritual life and set the example of how to live a TRULY ABUNDANT LIFE.

We have created a culture based in the spiritual potency of things, objects, possessions.

We live in a society that believes, in very practical ways, that whoever dies with the most toys wins.

No wonder we are warned to not put the love of money over the love of God.

 

Many of us act as though it is impossible to be either too thin or too rich.
We believe people with more wealth are blessed, while people are cursed when they have less.
But is that really the case?

Aren’t we also told to be content in all things. And to put our trust in the Lord, not our stuff?

Where did we get the idea that the things we have strengthen spiritual life.

I don’t think God hates rich people by any means, after-all Abraham was probably a billionaire.

Job was probably a millionaire.

David was also extremely wealthy.

And Solomon was a Gazillionaire.

So Obviously, God doesn’t NEED us to be poor. 

 

What he NEEDS is for us to have our hearts in the right frame in regards to money.

I guess that I see spiritual life differently than some people do.

I can’t help but notice that there are people without a lot of possessions who experience deep, sacred, strong spiritual life.

There are people who possess everything they could possibly need or want who feel spiritually empty.

 

I enjoy my things as much as most people.

For the most part,

The things I have strengthen spiritual life in me by raising questions.

For example:

How can these things help me grow into more depth?

Do I really need that?

Why did we get this in the first place?

Spiritual life is not about acquiring more things, but transforming the ways we relate to what we have.

Do your things strengthen spiritual life, or do they get in the way?

If they are getting in the way, I urge you to re-examine your attachment to your stuff and ask God to help strengthen your relationship to Him.