Getting Over Your Past so you can enjoy TODAY!

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Read that quote one more time…

AND 

Then allow the meaning to really sink in DEEP.

Now ask yourself this question:

Is there something in your past causing you pain and preventing you from fully experiencing joy in the present?

If you’re single, maybe you’re still hung up on an old flame.

You have some regrets and wish you’d handled things differently.

 

If you’re in a relationship, perhaps there is an upset you can’t seem to move on from. It could be anything from a fight over dinner to a betrayal of trust.

Or..

It might be something big like it was for me, the suicide of my child.

 

Whatever scenario you happen to be in, it’s crippling you and hindering your ability to either connect with yourself and your life.

In the first few years after Victor’s suicide, people would often tell me to just “move on,”

BUT…I just couldn’t simply move on. It hurt to much for me to just “MOVE ON”

So what do you do?

Well, I have a radical answer for you.

My answer comes directly from experience!

This answer has not only helped me overcome two bad marriages where I experienced abuse of myself and my children, but also the guilt and regret that I felt when Victor died.

So if you are serious about finally allowing the past to stop holding you hostage,

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READ ON and discover how I have managed to find joy and happiness in EVERY area of my life.

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Lesson #1:

Give Up Getting Over The Past

Here’s the truth – and if you really take it in, it will come as a relief:

You NEVER get over the past.

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Think of getting over something…

You can get over a challenge,

or over a barrier of some sort,

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 the past has already happened.

It’s outside of your control.

You can’t go back and fix what happened.

There’s absolutely no use stewing over it.

Life is filled with a million moments – some will look back on with fondness, and some wish it had never happened.

This is normal.

What you CAN control is… How you will ALLOW the past to affect you today.

And there’s only one way that I have found that really works:

You Have To Be Willing To Open Up To Acceptance And Love

You get over the past when you open your heart to it!

The moment you accept the PAST as IT IS,

Will be the EXACT moment you start to release it’s hold on your life.

And before you know it you will find yourself saying things like:

“Okay, that happened. And this is happening now.”

You will find yourself also making DIFFERENT choices than you have been making.

Your choices will no longer be made from a need to deny or hide from your past, but rather from a place of finding JOY in TODAY!

There are some verbs that are especially useful in doing this:

Including and welcoming the past.

Until you’ve included the past and embraced it, you can’t put your focus on what you want.

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The moment you let go of the past is the moment you love it as it is.

Because it’s already happened and there’s nothing you can do about it in the present.

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So give your past a drop of love and love yourself for however you feel about it.

Feel remorseful about your past actions?
Love yourself for it.
Feel pathetic that you wasted so much time on a situation you can’t do anything about?
Love yourself for that, too.

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When you do this, you become present, so you can create the relationships you want now – both with yourself and with others.

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The relationship you have with yourself is your primary relationship.

You cannot fully give or receive love if you do not love yourself first.

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Lesson #2:

Setting New, Positive Intentions

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When you accept the past as it is, then the next important step is:

“Okay, NOW what do I want?”

When you put attention and actions into what you want to create now – despite what your past is – you can literally create the relationship with the future that you really want.

Suddenly, the past is no longer a burden for you, but a springboard.

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What has held you down for so long can now be channeled into something completely new.

Because you now know that your past can be used as a valuable tool where you have learned the lessons it had to teach, so you make choices from a much wiser and more logical place.

You will no longer continue making those bad choices but will now find yourself making much wiser and more empowering decisions.

Your future is created one new choice at a time!

Five years ago, I was a single mother struggling to put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads. Today I am happily married in a very financially secure life where I enjoy abundance in every single area of my life.

My health is good.

My kids are wonderful.

My relationship is enviable.

And my home is beautiful.

 

If I hadn’t discovered and  followed these principles, I would still be stuck lamenting over the problems I had experienced in my past – such as criticism and blame.

I knew that dwelling on what happened would guarantee that I would stay there.

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Instead, I asked myself a powerful question that has driven my choices since that day:

“How can I create a relationship with myself that runs entirely on positive energy?”

 

The answer:

It’s not any one thing, but rather various practices and habits that allow us to create the relationship with our self we want – one day at a time.

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Letter to my Daughter.

Tonight I will attend the Jr High graduation of my second child.

For me, this marks the ending of the time in her life when I can try and convince myself that she is still a child.

But before I send her off into High School, there are a few things I want her to know.

So today’s post will be a letter to my beautiful child, Arminda.

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My Dearest Child,

As you embark on the next phase of your life, I want to tell you first what a joy and honor it has been being your mother. My world is a softer, more intense world because of you. Thank you for being one of my greatest teachers.

I want so much to keep you small so I can protect you from all the pain in the world. But since I know that is not possible, I will instead share a few of the things with you that I want you to know and carry with you from now on.

First thing I want you to know is that YOU are the connection between possibility and expression in your own life.

YOU are the miracle, you are the vessel that carries your thoughts and intentions and transforms them into things and experiences.

By your living of it you make life happen.

With your love you make life beautiful.

In each and every single urge you experience there lies great power.  For you can act and achieve and fulfill, and give meaning to every moment.

Give generously of yourself, never holding back, never being afraid that you’re not good enough.

Within you is goodness itself, along with the desire to express and to spread that goodness in your own special way.

Listen to the whisper of your spirit.

Feel the beauty that is beautiful just because it is. Never stop looking at the moon and weeping at it’s beauty.

Let go of the illusions that fill you with fear and doubt. 

These fears will destroy you from the inside out and eliminate any possibility for you to ever be brave enough to allow yourself to be loved.

Live your life looking forward, not backward.

The Past is gone and cannot ever be changed. What you can change however, is the way you FEEL about your past.

Let go of the need to need.

Feel the sweet freedom of simply allowing each unique and precious moment to be.

When you are with your friends laughing, FEEL the laughter and the sensations it causes in your body.

When you are in nature, cry because the beauty is too much for your heart to contain.

Never prevent yourself from feeling your feelings.

Because when you feel your feelings you will have discovered the magic key that opens the door to a beautiful life.

Let life come, without striving to force it.

Let life come, and it will unfold with great abundance.

The feeling of security that you so desperately seek is already yours.

You simply need to learn how to heal your own wounds and that security you desire will magically appear in your life.

But you and you alone hold the power to heal your heart.

(I can support you along that journey, and so can your friends, but ultimately, you must learn to trust yourself and know that you can and will protect your own heart.)

Once you discover security, love, and friendship, allow those feelings to live and breathe and grow and flow throughout your life.

The life you wish to experience is yours when you let go and let it be.

Listen to those little inspirations that quietly sing to you.

There is a reason why you hear them and feel their truth.

Act in harmony with what you know is right and what you know is best.

Instead of struggling against what is, ride joyously and successfully along with life’s continuously unfolding possibilities.

Let life come.

And live the beauty as each new moment is born.

Today, life begins anew.

Today, you are blessed with fresh, new opportunity.

You can build on the best of what has been.

You can look clearly and objectively at the limitations that have held you back, and find new ways to transcend them.

Today, you can make amazing progress.

Today, you can reach higher than you’ve ever reached before.

All your mistakes are behind you, and you’ve learned much from each one.

All your experience is still with you, and you can use it in innovative new ways.

This day has begun, and with it comes your chance to make a difference.

In these moments you can bring your dreams to life.

From deep within your purpose, look out and see all the great possibilities.

This is a day that’s now here for you to live more richly than ever.

Welcome to this life that’s now yours to explore and experience and fulfill in ways that are truly miraculous.

I pray that you will always know how deeply you are loved. That you will know what a treasure you are to everyone who has had the opportunity to know you.

Keep your head up my beautiful child and know that the world is your oyster.

 

Love Always,

Mom

The END RESULT looks EFFORTLESS…but it WASN’T

God created us to be happy and joyous.

 

It is all too easy to be bogged down by negative experiences or life challenges.

Like I said yesterday…

Every day, we can choose our responses to our circumstances.

On my own unique journey through  life, I’ve learned to choose happy, joyful and positive thoughts during challenging times
or
in situations that are trying to bring me down.
I have learned to embrace the mantra
“that it was only a mistake if I didn’t learn anything from it.
If I learned something from it, it was a LESSON.”

But today I want to talk about another conscious choice that I have made in life that I believe is just as powerful as choosing happiness is if your desire is to create a joyous life.

And that other choice is:

Good old-fashioned 

They really can bring you far in life.

I read a great quote the other day on the internet,

“Some people are lucky– but the harder I work the luckier I get!”

 

That quote really struck a chord within me because quite often people come up to me and tell me how lucky I am to be so talented.

I remind them that it doesn’t come from luck—

it comes from years and years of hard work and practice.

What they’re seeing is an end result that looks effortless and easy, but it came from more than 20 years of ups and downs– and endless attempts at learning to paint and write.

 Good work ethics bring great things:

knowledge,

satisfaction,

confidence,

and

good Karma!

My grandfather taught my father to always look ahead.

He used to say, “Have the next tool ready for me when I need it–that way we can finish this project sooner.”

I apply that approach in all areas of my life, whether I am working at the school,

painting a mural,

or helping a friend.

I envision how I must prepare for the next task at hand– and I gather the tools and knowledge that I need before moving ahead.

I find that when I work hard, there is always a positive return, even when the outcome is a negative experience to learn from.

 

By gathering the tools I need and applying a tough work ethic, I have been able to achieve my goals and dreams.

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But a good work ethic applies to much more than just our jobs.

For example:

When I was a young mother, I ate a lot of junk food and survived on soda.

I never knew how to eat properly and in my early twenties, I put on a lot of weight.

By the end of my thirties, I was not healthy at all. I had a check up where I was told that I needed to begin taking over 10 pills a day just to keep myself going.

I REFUSED to take the easy way out by swallowing a bunch of pills every day, and instead fought back.

I told the doctor that I was unhealthy because I had spent over ten years treating my body like it was a vending machine.

I vowed to learn how to eat healthier, lose weight, and begin a daily exercise routine.

Now at the age of 44, I weigh less than I did when I was 24.

My doctor no longer thinks I need medication, I am a very healthy woman.

BUT…

In order to regain my health, I needed a strong work ethic to carry me through the task.

 

At the end of each day, I take a few minutes to look at  myself in the mirror and ask myself this question:

” Did you do all that you could today?”

Then I ask myself a second question:

“Would God be pleased with the work you accomplished in His name today?”

I have found that the more I serve and help others, the more enriched my own life becomes.

I try to live my life by this personal quote of mine:
“If you do good, good will come upon you.”

I hope that you all have a wonderful weekend.

Do something fun with your family. Make some memories together.

 

 

 

Sorry I haven’t Written for a while…

This time of year is extremely busy for me,

(I am sure I am not alone)

Anyone with kids knows that the last month of school is NON-STOP activity for the kids, and their parents.

BUT in addition to that CRAZINESS…

At work, when springtime hits, my work load literally triples.

I still have the same amount of work to do inside the school that has kept me HOPPING all winter long,

Once  Springtime arrives, I also have over 6 acres of lawns to maintain at the school.

It is important to me that the school looks well groomed and beautiful for my community and the students.

The part that is difficult these last few years has been the fact that the sprinkler system at the school is over 30 yrs old, and needs lot’s of tender loving care to keep it running properly.

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So, by the time my day is finished at the school, I have no energy left to sit and write a quality blog.

I miss the release that I get when I put my thoughts down in writing.

Writing for me is such a powerful way to keep my head clear and my mind sharp.

 

But when the body is so physically exhausted, the mind does not seem to have much to say. 🙂

So I am crossing my fingers and hoping that by next week, I will have all the broken sprinklers replaced and working on their own.

Just know that I miss you all deeply and that you are in my prayers!

 

 

The Wars We Wage Part 2

Last Friday I wrote a post about an issue I had with my youngest child.

Today I would like to dive deep into finding the solution to stopping the “INNER WARS on our HEART”.

Jeff and I have been participating in a walking contest with some of his co-workers.

The goal is to walk at least 20,000 steps a day.

When we decided that we were going to accept this challenge, we were both pretty unsure about our ability to actually walk that many steps in a day.

But…

Not only have we been able to accomplish that amount, we have exceeded it a few times.

So what does this have to do with WINNING THE WAR?

 

Just like Jeff and I didn’t think we would be able to reach the goal of 20,000 steps,

Many of us don’t believe we can stop the WAR on our HEARTS.

So I will break down the process that I use when I find myself STUCK in a negative state of mind into 3 STEPS and WALK you through the process necessary to change your mindset from NEGATIVE to POSITIVE.

 One sure way to tell if you’re negative about something that’s happened to you… is when you can’t stop thinking about it.

You find yourself constantly reliving some idea or past memory that simply won’t stop.

Make no mistake here:

Any thought about an past event that you can’t get to stop running through your mind… is running a race of its own!

Learn to Dismiss Self-Wrecking Thoughts. 

How often do you find yourself ruminating over some past mistake?

How much time do you waste painfully reliving how you initially fell down — either a moment ago or ten years back?

The pain you are feeling when you are reliving that painful moment from the past is actually nothing more than regret that the event ever took place at all!

Ask yourself this POWERFUL question:  What on earth compels me to wrestle with Imaginary Mental Ghosts?

After all, once something has happened in our life — that moment is over;

it’s gone,

done with,

finished.

Clearly, the past ACTUALLY no longer exists in the here and Now.

we have to ask ourselves,
Given that this knowledge is above dispute,
How can something from our own past feel as real and as alive as it does to us in the present moment?

The answer to that question holds the secret to living in a world that is filled with possibility and joy instead of sorrow and dread.

So let’s explore the answer together right now:

Within our mind lingers an untold number of chemically and electrically stored images of the way things were.

These mental pictures include complete scenes of every experience from our past.

 AND…

All of the Hopes and dreams that are created from pleasurable images of achievements yet to come.

These  images create a sort of SECRET STOREHOUSE where all of the sensations that accompanied them in the moment of their creation is kept.

Each one is laden with its original emotional content that is standing at the ready to pour into us each time we revisit that particular memory.

 

The only reason we ever find ourselves caught in a psychological storm is because we have been drawn,
without knowing it,
into identifying with —
actually merging with —
mental images from our past.
These images are pre-loaded psychological time capsules —
with punishing thoughts and feelings
that flood into us the instant we reconnect with them.

These memories are invisible,

Fully capable of delivering psychically palpable blows as the memories pour through us.

As the memories begin to punish us, we are unconsciously trained to try and resist them —

All of which makes us feel as though we are trapped in a storm about which we can do nothing other than try to escape its lashing!

That is why it is so IMPORTANT that you  resisting your feelings.

Let them flow freely through you.

Don’t try to block, stop, or alter them in any way.

Just Feel your Feelings.

Because once you invite them into your mind, and acknowledge that they are just a ghost from your past, you will never again need to endure the pounding of those stored up feelings.

 No storm of mental torment or dark, emotional suffering belongs to you.

Any wave of Resentment,

Anxiety,

or fear

that comes to wash you away

IS nothing more than a kind of psychic residue left over from who you once were.

Not only do these negative states have nothing in common with your true nature,

They cannot enter into your present moment once you have learned to identify the ghosts from your past and the residual feelings that they carry.

We cannot be punished by any painful thought when we are grounded in the present moment.

 

The reason for this perfect protection is as pure as it is simple:

Psychological storms are powerless to hurt us with their destructive forces when we are aware of their traps.

Once they have been exposed for the NOTHINGNESS that they are, They no longer have a way to remain in our minds.

From this moment forward, whenever some storm of dark thoughts appears in us…

That we must neither run from it, nor stand there and hate what we think is happening.

Instead we simply need to

And bring ourselves back into the Now and quietly,

deliberately,

drop any image that our mind plants within us to justify the brewing conflict.

Learning to dismiss negative thoughts that trip us up and attempt to ruin our chances of winning the race to be happy takes dedicated inner work.

I am here to testify that we ALL possess the powers necessary to make the victory possible.
Your True God-Like Nature already dwells beyond the reach of self-wrecking storms.

So don’t be afraid to take on the challenge.

Join it;

begin Now!

Because you CAN do Hard things!

Take this ONE piece of advice PLEASE…

Yesterday I talked about seeking out advice from other people and allowing yourself to be vulnerable with the people in your life.

Today, I am going to share with you the one piece of wisdom that  I believe is the most valuable coping skill I have learned from all the abuse and suffering I have endured in my life.

When I was at the threshold of devastation immediately following the suicide of my son and then the abandonment of my husband, I honestly did not know how to face the future.

I was in so much pain.

I literally lived my life one minute at a time.

I was not capable of even looking ahead to the next day at that point in my life.

I was broken and at the time believed I was beyond any hope for happiness, love, or security of any kind.

So today, I am going to share with you the lesson I learned that literally saved my life.

That lesson was:

FEEL your FEELINGS!

What exactly does that mean, and how does one begin to feel their feelings when they are so intense?

I learned to treat ALL of my feelings like a guest.

I welcome them into my life like I would welcome a guest in my home.

I do everything in my power to make them comfortable, because I know that they will not be there for long.

Knowing that they are just there for a “VISIT” makes it feel safe for me to make my emotions as comfortable as possible so that their visit is a good experience, and does not cause me harm.

Here are some of the ways that you can prepare to handle any FEELING that might show up in your life…

(even the yucky ones!)

 

Do not ignore the emotional wounds you sustain in your daily life.

Do not buy into the notion that emotional pain is a sign of weakness or psychological frailty.

Do not believe that ignoring emotional pain is a sign of strength.

Do not think of yourself as weak or undesirable when you experience the pain of rejection. Separate yourself from the person or situation that has rejected you and acknowledge that they make choices that are not your business.

Do not believe that by being in touch with your feelings and acknowledging that you hurt, AND wishing you DIDN’T diminishes you in any way.

Do not punish yourself when you carry the burden of guilt. Go to your knees and ask for that burden to be lifted…IMMEDIATELY!

Do not consider yourself undesirable just because you may know the ache of loneliness.

Do not lose yourself in the anguish of loss. Instead hold onto the joys that you had while that person was with you and find meaning in the life they lived.

Do not lose faith in yourself when you encounter the bitter disappointment of failure. Be proud that you had the courage to try.

Do not belittle yourself further when your self-esteem is already under assault. This is a time to be gentle with your heart. Speak kind words to yourself.

Do not become crushed within the churning of brooding and rumination.

 

So now that we have covered some of the DON’TS…

Let’s move on to the DO’S.

Know that what makes you human is your capacity to feel emotional pain.
Know that what makes you wise is your capacity to recognize that you are not your feelings and that they don’t make you weak.
Know that what makes you strong is your ability to recover from emotional wounds and to become more resilient by doing so.
Know that such wisdom, like all wisdom, must be learned and CAN be learned.
Know that your brain is wired to experience rejection as physical pain. BUt there are many ways that you can ease that pain and revive your self-worth in its aftermath.
Know that loneliness is a trap of self-protective but self-defeating behaviors that we use to push others away…BUT– that it is a trap that you can escape.
Know that you can elicit authentic forgiveness from others, as well as from yourself, and that once you do, your burden of guilt will lift.
Know that failure will cause you to perceive yourself and your goals in distorted ways. So learn how to ignore these ‘gut’ feelings and focus on the many factors in your life that you are in your control of and can change.
Know that loss can devastate your life but if you can eventually find meaning in your experience it will give you a renewed and powerful sense of purpose and satisfaction.
Know that brooding and ruminating is an emotional hamster wheel that only deepens your anger and sadness. The only escape from it is to simply step out of the wheel by refusing to repeatedly pursue the same painful thought. this is the only way to free yourself from it.
Know that your self-esteem is the emotional immune system that protects you from life stresses.
Know that when you indulge in negative self-talk when your self esteem is already low will only weaken your emotional immunity further.
Know that what you need to be doing during stressful times is working on rebuilding your emotional health.

You know that when you cut your finger…you need to clean the wound and then cover it with some form of protection like a band-aid.

I have learned how important it is to treat my emotional wounds immediately as well.

My final piece of advice is to all you parents out there.

Teach your children to heed their emotions and to treat their emotional injuries as soon as they occur.

Show them how to go forward in life with confidence, knowing your emotional pain will inevitably knock you down,

BUT

That they can pick themselves up, recover, and become stronger for their future.

I hope that I have inspired all of you to FEEL your FEELINGS so that you can enjoy a happy life filled with healthy relationships.

Welcome to Our New Club…

Today, I would like to talk about something that I believe is a BIG Deal for most of us.

Especially this time of year when we are all reflecting on the life and sacrifices of the Savior.

And that topic is: MISTAKES!

Have you ever made a bad decision?

If so… When you look back on that mistake, was it avoidable?
Could you have made a better decision if only you had thought to seek out advice?

 

If not, then  you are uniquely blessed.

BUT…

If you are among those of us who have made terrible choices in our lives…

Then welcome to our club, it is a large one indeed.

Avoidable bad decisions happen to everyone,
And they keep happening to some.

I have put a lot of thought into this question because…

If you have read my blog for any amount of time, you will know that I have made some really big mistakes in my life that have caused a great deal of pain to my children.

I have had to learn how to deal with the regret and guilt that those kind of mistakes create. 

 

The guilt and regret nearly destroyed me before I got a handle on it…

And without the Atonement of the Savior, I would NEVER have gotten a handle on it at all.

But as I have reflected on this question,

I also came to a realization about life…

Parents and teachers train us to apologize when causing harm and to give thanks when accepting help.

But nobody trains young people, when they have an important decision to make, to ask themselves if they have the knowledge and experience to handle it, and if not, who does and can help.

 

In school and in the home we are taught how to:

Save and budget.

How to cook and clean.

How to study.

BUT…

Are we taught just how incredibly important choosing a life partner is?

How making sure that the person you marry has the qualities necessary to be the parent of YOUR children?

Do they share your ideas on such major issues as faith, money, love, and traditions?

The world is full of adult parents who are now raising young children.
Those parents have made terrible choices in their lives that have caused them tremendous pain,
and yet for diverse reasons of
faulty judgment,
emotion,
social relations,
and even biology,

 

They do not try to bring the knowledge and experience of their past to bear on their problems and challenges, in the service of raising children who are EQUIPPED with  better decision making skills.
We hide our faults from our children out of some twisted need to appear perfect to them.

 

Maybe one reason for this failure is we all share a fear of appearing weak.

Another possible reason may be that schoolwork has trained us to do problems on our own without consulting anyone,

(because that is considered cheating.)

Still another reason, a modern one, is that people think that consulting books or the web are good enough.

Good books and web articles can convey principles and specific examples.

BUT…

They cannot possibly address the great variety of people’s situations the way that having an actual conversation with an actual person can.

However, I believe that the main reason that people do not proactively seek advice from others is that they just don’t think of it;

It’s not a PRACTICED HABIT.

Even when people do take the initiative of seeking out advice, they often don’t do it well;

It’s not a PRACTICED SKILL.

For example, they might seek advice from only one person in order to avoid the confusion and stress that result from getting contradictory advice.

To become a skilled advice seeker,

And thus make better decisions,

It’s also helpful to understand that advice consists of much more than just merely obtaining solutions to a problem.

Let’s imagine that we are a mother who wishes to rejoin the workforce after a long absence…

She really needs to seek out advice from many different sources. 

She needs to find a job that will use her talents and experience, while also being compatible with her life as a mother.

She needs to know how returning to work might affect her children and her spouse who are used to having her around all the time.

She needs to consider how this will change her routine at home, and double her responsibilities, and how other women have handled this with their families.

So you see…

Advice can reveal dimensions of a problem that you might not have considered.

Advice enables you to proceed with the confidence that you’ve considered the available options.

 

 

 

So, if it is obviously logical to seek out advice…

WHY are there so many members in the MISTAKE MAKING CLUB?

Today, I want to encourage you to be willing to be vulnerable.

Be vulnerable at home with your spouse and children. 

 

Admit to them that you are not perfect, but that because of your mistakes, you have valuable life experience to share with them. 

You never know, you just might save your child from a whole lot of hurt….

Be vulnerable at work.

Be willing to ask for help when you need it. 

Be vulnerable with your friends.

Let them know how much you value their opinions. 

Be vulnerable with God.

He went to the cross to take away your sins, so go to Him in faith and repent and allow the gift of the Easter Season to bless your life.

To my Sweet Child…

I have entered a brand new phase in my journey through motherhood.

I am now the mother of an adult child!

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Actually I have been for two years now,
but…
lately it seems that I have finally “accepted” the fact that my oldest child is a twenty year old man.

That realization has brought on a whole new set of questions for me to ponder.

How do I help and offer guidance to him now that he is an adult who is capable of making his own decisions?

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But the real challenge for me has been wondering if I really conveyed to him just how special and wonderful he really is to me.

Does he know how much he means to me?

Did I teach him enough about consequences to allow him to make good decisions for his life?

Yesterday, we had a really good talk.

I was in tears.
He was holding his back…because he is a big boy now. 

Yesterday, I just wanted him to know a few things.

I needed to make SURE that he knew what he means to me.

So, today, I am going to share a few of the things I told him yesterday.

Maybe they will help another mother who, like me, is trying to figure out how to transition from a “mom” to a “mom of adult children

Here is our conversation:

Tyler, I long for you to know the beauty I see in you.

I want you to know that you are enough just as you are.

That you are loved beyond measure and capable of anything.

I long for you to know that you are an infinite soul here simply to have the human experience, to share your gifts and find your way back home to God’s perfect love.

There is no place you need to worry about except but right here, right now.

There is no time but right now.

You chose this brave life.

You have handled your abuse like a true hero.

You are amazing.

You have arrived at adulthood in one piece, despite the many people who doubted that we could ever accomplish that feat.

Release the striving for more, YOU are the more.

Never compare yourself with others.

Because, you are not separate from your brothers and sisters, they are you and you are they and you are all  perfect, whole and complete.

We are a family.

We are ONE unit.

Release the need to judge and escape this world in favor of some realm you deem better, higher, purer.

You came here to be HERE.

So be here.

Smell every flower,

cry every tear,

touch the earth,

get messy, moved and mad.

Feel it all.

Embrace it.

Love it.

Bathe in the sensations, especially the intense ones, soak it all in, drink in the dark times as much as the delights.

Because, if there is one thing I can promise you about this world…it is that you will get hurt.

You will be betrayed.

BUT…

Taking the chance to love is worth it EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Don’t fight it.

Feel it.

It’s all life.

It’s all you.

It’s all LOVE.

Falling apart is normal.

Do not fear it.

Feel it.

Ride those waves.

Allow light, life and love to crack you open.

Embrace the unknown.

It’s okay not to know all the answers.
Do not hide who you are.

Your truth and courage will empower others in ways you cannot imagine.

Do not hide the light that can ease the darkness of this world.

Shine.

Bright.

Be brave.

You are loved.

You are not alone.

You are worthy of every blessing.

You will get through the dark times.

You are the hero of your own life.

Leave it all on the field.

Regret nothing.

Leave nothing in your heart unsaid, leave no one unloved, especially you.

And then when your day is done and you turn to look back along the path you walked and the people you loved, you will know you did this thing, with bells on, you sucked the juice out of every moment, felt it all, gave it all, loved it all.

I long for you to know the beauty I see in you, to know that you are enough just as you are, that you are loved beyond measure and capable of anything.

I long for you to know that you are an infinite soul here simply to have the human experience, to share your gifts and find your way home to love.

Being a mother has been the greatest adventure of my life.

My children have all brought with them their own special gifts that have taught me lessons about life that I probably have never learned without them there to teach me.

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I love them with a deep and tender love that can never be changed, altered, or destroyed by anything they do.
My love is forever.
My prayer is that I was a good mother to them and they I am sending them out into this world prepared to fight the good fight!

The way UP is Down…

For years I was on a quest.

I was determined to discover that HOLY GRAIL we call CONTENTMENT…

Back then I believed that the HOLY GRAIL would be found in some change outside myself:
A new promotion or job,
A new home,
Some hiking trail to explore,
A new relationship.
I also channeled my restless nature in physical exertion and a full diary.
I was goal-driven, and achievement-focused.
As long as I was busy, all was well.
To slow down made me painfully aware of the discontent that trailed me like a twinge.
I had a hole in my soul that was so large, I could never imagine finding a way to fill it.
So I kept busy in a effort to dull the pain that the giant hole in my soul was causing me.

The movement, planning and physical endurance came at a price.

In my mind there always seemed to be just one more summit to scale.

For me, there was no neat finishing line when the effort and struggle stopped.

I lived in constant fear!

When my husband left me alone to raise our four children by myself, that was when I was forced to face my fears head on.

I had four children who desperately needed me to make some sense out of the ciaos they were experiencing in their little lives.

It was at that time in my journey that I finally stopped and decided to take a really good look at the inner mountain that had driven me for so long.

I was forced to acknowledge that I had become addicted to the drama of my life.

Drama always gives you an inspired peak experience.

And that can become extremely addictive.

BUT…

The high I felt was always followed by, “what now?”

 I was trapped in a crash and burn cycle – the drive to be more, do more.

I faced the feeling I most wanted to avoid.

What was its wisdom trying to tell me?

Behind its signature ‘twinge’ lurked fear: having to prove something to myself time and again.

Who would I be without the story I had created about my pitiful life?

What if I never accomplished anything important in this life?

Was I enough as I am?

I’d forgotten to enjoy this moment, now.

I had turned my back on this one simple truth:

Experience is what makes life meaningful –

Not the giddy ascension to a future time, promising peace and contentment.

Success and fulfillment are not the same.

I stopped moving and welcomed the full force of my restlessness.

I channeled it into my creativity.

I started painting and writing.

zentangle owl

 

 

 

I began to explore the world through a creative lens instead of the DRAMA driven lens I had lived with in the past.

The inspiration from all the ups and downs in my life still live on in my memories.

I use them to tell my story.

My hope is that my experiences can serve as inspiration and encouragement for those who are living a similar experience to my own.

I encourage and support others to rewrite their own stories as well.

We all have the power to change our story, transforming past hurts and wants into the living wisdom they are.

We can become the change we seek.

Diving into our creativity is rich medicine – so often disguised

(as it was for me)

as RESTLESSNESS.

Creativity is a tool to thrive in life’s uncertainty.

Real lasting change often happens in small steps over time.

Feelings are the language of soul calling us home – to embody our full-blooded human nature.
To ignore them is to be cut off from the neck down.

I’ve changed the story that the answer is ‘out there,’ anywhere but ‘here’.

I am what I seek.

Now I relish ordinary life as the adventure it is: out with my kids, among neighbors, enjoying the culture around me.

Jeff and Tyler stacking it high so the Steers have food for the winter.

Jeff and Tyler stacking it high so the Steers have food for the winter.

We are all storytellers, making sense of the grit – and gift – of being human.

I don’t have to create drama to remember that.

And when I forget – again – there is a map to reset my inner compass:

The way up is down.